We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
