I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
