i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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