I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
