So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
