The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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