She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
