Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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