Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
