Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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