Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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