Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
