just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She bit a glass in half.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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