I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
