***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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