I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
