he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
50% drunk capacity currently
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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