I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
