smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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