There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
