Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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