we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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