If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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