You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
