I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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