I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
