Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
