I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
