A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
