my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The air was thick with penises
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
