ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
