Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
