So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
