those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
