PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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