You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
