Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
