Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
