Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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