Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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