your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
