My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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