when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I just sharted jello shots
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