There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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