I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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