your thong is hanging out like whoa
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
