he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
