u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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