Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
