I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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