I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He shit in the fireplace
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
